I got an A+

My first college paper was handed back to me on Thursday. I was more relieved to see the grade than anything. I worked hard on it and I wanted it to be done well. If you'd like to read it let me know. It's about prenatal depression, my last pregnancy, and my sweet Benjamin.

I am so sad.

It feels like there has been a death in the family. My step mom, claiming to be my "mom" for 30 years, has betrayed us all. She has taken verbal and emotional stabs at me constantly since I was 7 years old. She has had so much impact on my life. None of it good. All of it painful. But I pretended it was ok. I tried to let it roll off my back. I spent a lifetime defending her and trying to understand her so I could one day love her. I was almost there. But now, I want to hate her. Yesterday, when I got "the information", I hated her. I hated her for rejecting me as her daughter, after all these years of her lying to me about our mother-daughter relationship. I hated her for breaking my dad's heart. For leaving him after 30 years of marriage for some idiot from high school! I hated her for now saying she's never been happy with my dad. Why didn't she leave sooner!? I could have had my dad back sooner. I needed him. I've missed him. She stole him from my sister and I when we were 5 and 7 and now she deserts him like he's a waste of her time. I've always known about what a selfish woman she was. But I kept trying to explain it all away. But now she has done the ultimate. She says to hell with all of us, it's time for her to start her own life and she doesn't care about us. Well good luck, Janet. I hope you rot in hell. And I know you will.

The Pantry Fairy Came!

Ya, I wish there was a "fairy" to do all my doings. But actually, Girls, I went to the Dollar Tree and spent $25 on baskets and tubs with lids. After that I emptied my pantry and refilled it nice and neat. I did this a few weeks ago and it's still perfectly organized. Cool!

Oh, To Be a Runner...

The Gifts of Running:
Strength
Peace
Privacy
A place to cry, pray, evolve
-Author unknown

I envy all my runner friends. Most of all, my sister, Michelle.

They understand more than we think!

I was just being silly! I was just kidding! Don't think bad of me! It was a compliment! But I didn't think he'd have a clue about what I was saying! Ok. Here it goes. This is what happened. Ben was prancing around naked doing his own thing, not knowing I was watching him. And then I said it. "Ben, you should be a male model." He's got a great little bod. What can I say? And then he said, "What, so I can be naked the rest of my life?" Ouch!!! I was so embarassed. I didn't think he'd even process that let alone get it... From now on, I'll keep certain things to myself. Yikes!

Back In The Saddle Again

Well today was "Back to School Day" for me. I have two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2-6pm. The first one is Public Speaking and the second is Writing Essays. Both of the classes were very slow today, being the first day. But I think I'm going to like them both a lot. I hope I learn a lot, too. I wish I could have taken a couple more, maybe math and a sociology class, but I'm trying to get the kinks out with studying and being a full time momma! I've decided that I'm clearly "undecided" as far as my major is concerned. I LOVE to learn and I find so many things facinating. I'm just going to be a sponge and soak everything up. It's so much fun! This is the life! Or so I say now....

He's Bluffing!!!

While Stephen was working at Subway yesterday, he got into a heated conversation with a friend also working at Subway. They began to raise the anti up, up, up and AWAY!!! The question was, "Whose mom is the best cook!" The solution to their dilema is this: Have each of their moms bring dinner to Subway on Wednesday night and then they'll judge for themselves!

"Sure, I'm up for that. Ya, I'll do it", I say to my first born. And then as we hang up from the phone call I start racing through my cookbooks thinking, "What is wrong with that kid!?!"

So here I am. 3 days away. My first week back at school. This is so serious! I can't let my child down. I can't lose! I have to win! And all I can think of is, "Should I make three courses?" "Should I make a sinful desert?" "Should I make something that sounds easy and good but I've never made it before?" I'm one of those women who rarely makes the same recipe twice. There are too many good recipes to try. What should I do? Help?

Wish me luck. I'll let you know the results as soon as they come in.